Notable Comments Overheard at The Roberts/Johnson Wedding

Tri-Delt Bar Crawl, Spring '01

Tri-Delt Bar Crawl, Spring '01

“Please pull the car around the front, would you kind sir?” – Brian Parsons, to the tuxedo-clad Big Kurtz

“Snort, snort.” Johanna Coyle

“I’m gonna drop-kick that old f*@!er for spilling red wine on my shirt.  Thanks goodness he missed my Hermes tie.” – Ryan Coyle, while dabbing at his dress shirt with seltzer, and inquiring about a Tide Stick

“Chicken fingers and fries are just fine.  What?  No, we’re fine over here at the kids table.  Not to worry.” – Stefanie Cove and Adam Cohen, upon being banished from Table #7

“My bridesmaid dress comes with a ‘gun-metal’ sash.” – Brigid Parsons

“Do you think my hair’s light enough?  Maybe there’s some ‘Sun-In’ in the Ladies room amenities basket!” – Kiki

– “Steve Guttenberg told me I made him so hard.” – C.D., on being “Gutted” by the 51-year-old Actor/Comedian

“Hey.  They got any booze at this shindig?” – Missy Kurek

“Make it rain, dude!  I’m about to get re-hungry.  We gotta come out firin’, and go hard all night. Ballz deep, baby.” – Tessy Casafranca, sharing her alcohol-consumption plans prior to the reception (clearly, Missy was taking notes)

“I just love white trash!  In fact, I’m gonna make a T-shirt that says ‘I Heart White Trash!'” – Jolley, as an angry hotel guest emerged from her room, and asked the 4th Floor contingent to take their post after-hours hallway chatter elsewhere

“I haven’t liked my husband in months. He doesn’t tell me I’m beautiful.  Do you think I’m beautiful?  Because I’m a tiger, and I’m on the prowl (with claw-like hand motion).” – Shauna Koon, to Big Kurtz in the last row of the Sheraton shuttle, following the reception

“I just told the bartender not to serve you anymore.  Get over it.” – Johanna Coyle, to Missy Kurek at the hotel bar after-hours

“What the hell, man!  That’s my mom!  You just slapped my mom on the ass!” – Tall white guy to drunk Asian groomsman at the hotel bar after-hours

“Outstanding!” – Dave “DJ” Johnson, when asked how he was doing, at any point during the weekend

“I do.” – Kim Johnson and Greg Roberts



  1. ahh! what a great recap! it was a great weekend. we need to do it again soon!?!? luckily, we still have a few weddings left…then we are going to have to start planning vacations together.
    stef and adam

  2. great stuff! i’m not sure why, but while reading i couldn’t stop visualizing a tux-wearing Mr Jolley authoring in the drivers seat of a late 90s model lincoln towncar.

    although i was the only witness, i would like to add the following quote from my beautiful bride:

    Brigid Parsons (approximately 3.5 minutes after exiting the post-reception shuttle): “blaaaahhhh gluuuuuuuuuh eeeeeeeeeeeehhhhhh aaahhhhhhhhhh raaaaaaaaaaaaaah snaaaaaaaaaaaa blaaaaaaahhhh” (all while Brian holds back her hair and [for amusement] pulls 187 pins from her hair. Nothin says lovin like comingled cabernet and half-digested spinach salad.

    Great time this weekend. Thanks for the inclusion in the Cuse clique and for the QT with with my gracious date, Ryan Coyle.

    Nothing reminds me of Cuse like festering all day in my own filth and being reminded of the “Skinny Pirate”……

    Big Kurtz is the perfect accessory to any party…I think Shauna agrees….

  4. Nice recap. I’m pretty sure that I overheard the following…

    “Old cock and balls over there just asked me to pull the car around” Big Kurtz regarding ongoing tuxedo joke.

    “Ernest and I were in the act the other day when Rudy looked up and said, ‘Hey, that’s my move” Big Kurtz on chihuahua sex.

    and I’d be remissed to neglect

    “So does it all just stretch out down there?” Courtney Dolan on the miracle of childbirth

  5. I don’t know who will be more thrilled to read this, me or my Dad. This Johnson now Roberts could not be more thrilled to have finally made the blog and to have celebrated with all of you this weekend. We are so blessed to have you all in our lives, and to have predicted your shenanigans enough to go with trolley transport after a 6 hour open bar.

    There might just be an old school top ten email crafted from the beach this week…thank you again for kicking it old school style this weekend and reminding us that 30 might not be the new 21 but it looks damn good on all of us (especially when topped off with some bubbly).

  6. Dave and I were thrilled that you were all able to share Kim and Greg’s Fairy Tale reception. We have laughed at all of the stories and I am sure there are many more out there. One of my favorites was watching one of you “swim” down the hall. Kim’s aunt was flattered that she can still get the attention of young men in bars! That story will live on. We have already watched the wedding videos and compared pictures. It was truly a perfect night filled with hugs and laughter. Kim and Greg are lucky to be surrounded with such great friends. Thank you for all of the great memories.

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